Wholly Me Wednesday: Week Four (July 23, 2025)
Where do I begin?!?!
I’m 37 weeks and 2 days pregnant and OMGoodness I feel it…so much so that when people ask me how I’m doing I respond every time by saying PREGNANT!?!? I literally feel like my nané is opening up, there is pressure more than there isn’t in my pelvic region, when I’m walking I wonder if G*Baby is going to fall out of me, and naps have become essential in daily living. I was talking to my Aunt Jeni at the Herbert family reunion over the weekend and she was reminiscing on how much she loved being pregnant and it wasn’t until now in this moment that I’ve given myself permission to feel into this depth of love I have for this experience. Miscarrying last summer broke my heart and seeing what I’d been carrying in my womb on my liner was what broke me. I went into myChart and saw that my miscarriage was on August 28th last year and less than a year later my due date is now August 11th. This is a full circle experience for me as I went from staring at that embryo on my liner last summer to experiencing life grow inside of me over the last 9 months and having the opportunity to feel G*Baby flip, dip, twirl, kick, swim, play, and move within me.
The last few weeks I’ve been writing about my Husband and the emotional waves I’ve been riding. It’s been almost a year since this chapter of our marriage began and I’ve been struggling with it the whole time. I realized this evening that I’ve been boxing him into either/or and haven’t really been able to hold space for both/and. Last night I was looking through old pictures and it hit me that something’s always been wrong…for as long as I can remember I’ve been working on “this” to get to “that” and yet everytime I arrive at “that” it becomes “this”. I honestly have had a propensity to suffer, be unhappy, be frustrated, be upset, and be in a space of dissatsifaction with something or someone and I brought this energy to my marriage. I brought this energy to every area of my life and I’m ready to do something different to get something different. At the end of the day my Husband is going to do him and be him regardless of my thoughts, desires, and opinions so I get to choose to stay or go but to sit and wallow, to entertain the woe is me narrative, to obsess over what he is and isn’t doing and why, and/or to continue to give my power away are all choices I’m making. And today…right here/right now in this moment…I choose to reclaim my power. I choose to reclaim my power in my marriage and not just in my marriage but in my life as a whole. I get to surrender the suffering, the unhappiness, the frustration, my residency in upset-ville, and the endless loop of dissatisfaction. I get to real life enjoy life, I get to build relationship with joy, I get to holistically take care of me, and I get to do me and be me too with and on purpose:)
Until next time…
